{"id":235,"date":"2014-12-19T16:43:18","date_gmt":"2014-12-19T16:43:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.factorfictionpress.co.uk\/?p=235"},"modified":"2014-12-19T16:43:18","modified_gmt":"2014-12-19T16:43:18","slug":"naughty-or-nice","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/factorfictionpress.co.uk\/?p=235","title":{"rendered":"Naughty or Nice?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Naughty or Nice?<\/strong><\/p>\n

by Jay Eales<\/p>\n

\u201cYou remember the rules, right?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJawohl, mein Kapitan.\u201d Carol gave a Hitler salute, with a mocking grin.<\/p>\n

Rather than the desired effect of lightening the mood, Kristian\u2019s expression grew grave.<\/p>\n

\u201cIndulge me.\u201d He looked at Carol seriously, as though he was about to tell her the cat had been run over. Carol sighed, and played the game, rattling through the rules by rote, just as Kristian had relayed them to her: \u201cNo smoking. No drinking. No swearing. I thought this was supposed to be fun?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt better be. It cost me a packet to ship that crate all the way from Lapland.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d have been happy with a week at Centerparcs.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI can take you to Centerparcs any time of year! Where\u2019s your Christmas spirit?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUnder lock and key in the drinks cabinet until after Twelfth Night, apparently…\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you think my dad will stop smoking those evil Christmas Cuban cigars of his just because of some rules you\u2019ve made up, you don\u2019t know him as well as you should.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t make the rules. Rare Exports Incorporated do. I had to sign a contract before they\u2019d even agree to let me buy one.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIn… blood?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMight as well have been. I felt they\u2019d charged me a pound of flesh. But, it\u2019ll be worth it. This is gonna be the best Christmas ever, babes. Trust me. It\u2019s all for you. Your dad will understand. Tell him we\u2019re not smoking in the house any more, or something.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCareful, tiger! Isn\u2019t lying on that list of rules somewhere too? Can I take a peek at this mysterious crate, at least?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t be so impatient! Christmas Eve is just a few hours away. You\u2019ll have to wait.\u201d Kristian seemed to have cheered up a little at least. He\u2019d regained some of his playfulness. It was a relief, as Carol thought he\u2019d had it all knocked out of him with all the extra hours at work. A fat wallet was all well and good, but not if it meant losing the cheeky man-child she\u2019d fallen for. Hadn\u2019t she worked just as hard to keep up with the Joneses; live the dream; a top-flight career and a life?<\/p>\n

\u201cCan I at least have a teensy bottle of Grolsch tonight? It\u2019s not Christmas yet. You haven\u2019t even let me trim the tree. You and your family traditions. Look at the poor thing sitting there in the corner all naked and green. By the time you let me decorate it, the needles will have started to drop off. Come on, big boy! Just a beer and a bauble… I won\u2019t tell.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou can\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut…\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019ll know.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, for God\u2019s sake, Kristian!\u201d Carol was growing just a little tired of her boyfriend\u2019s inflexibility. What good was Christmas if you couldn\u2019t let your hair down? Eat too much, drink too much and go a little wild. Let the credit card take the strain and repent at leisure when the New Year was safely begun. Kristian took a sharp intake of breath, \u201cCareful… Do you want to be naughty or nice?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, I like this game! Naughty, every time! It\u2019s a fair cop, guv! Put the bracelets on. I can\u2019t promise I\u2019ll come quietly, though.\u201d Carol pantomimed the universal invitation to put invisible handcuffs on her wrists, a prelude to a better end to the evening than its beginning, she hoped. Hope that was instantly dashed when she saw the horrified look on Kristian\u2019s face.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019ll put you on his list.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe can check it as many times as he bloody well likes. The day I\u2019ve had, I\u2019m having a drink. Join me or don\u2019t. And I\u2019m opening the gingerbread packet. Don\u2019t even try stopping me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Kristian knew he was on a hiding to nothing. When Carol set her mind to it like this, nothing short of coshing her over the head and dragging her from the house would change how this would turn out. He considered it.<\/p>\n

The funny thing was, Carol did get her way and decorated the tree that night. Not in a modern style, though it could be described as \u2018traditional\u2019. When both sets of parents arrived for Christmas dinner, punctual as ever, Carol\u2019s father stubbing out his filthy cheroot in the snow outside the house on the instructions of She Who Must Be Obeyed, they could see the tree glistening through the window first of all.<\/p>\n

When they finally gained entry, it was the splintered crate they saw next, quite empty. Their calls to Carol and Kristian went unanswered. Confused that they might have missed a phone message cancelling dinner, they wandered about the house, finally arriving in the lounge to finally witness the tree in all its glory. Not a scrap of tinsel on the tree this year. Slippery red ropes strung about the tree, and those were definitely not baubles. Ho. Ho. Ho.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

This story is a homage to\u00a0the film Rare Exports<\/a> & is not intended to infringe copyright.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Naughty or Nice? by Jay Eales \u201cYou remember the rules, right?\u201d \u201cJawohl, mein Kapitan.\u201d Carol gave a Hitler salute, with a mocking grin. Rather than the desired effect of lightening the mood, Kristian\u2019s expression grew grave. \u201cIndulge me.\u201d He looked at Carol seriously, as though he was about to tell her the cat had been […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[12],"tags":[25,54,74],"class_list":["post-235","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-ffpublications","tag-jay-eales","tag-prose","tag-short-story"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/factorfictionpress.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/235","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/factorfictionpress.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/factorfictionpress.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/factorfictionpress.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/factorfictionpress.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=235"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/factorfictionpress.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/235\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":238,"href":"https:\/\/factorfictionpress.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/235\/revisions\/238"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/factorfictionpress.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=235"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/factorfictionpress.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=235"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/factorfictionpress.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=235"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}